Caught in the Line of Gossip: The Day I Met the Tabloid Police

And I Didn’t Even Have a Comeback!

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I was doing a innocent sweep of the tabloid headlines while waiting in the grocery checkout line. And of course, the siren song of tabloids, those shiny beacons of outrageous headlines promising secrets revealed and lives unraveled.

You know, purely for research purposes— I think of myself an amateur social scientist, studying the latest trends in gossip and celebrity drama.

If you write, you have to know what’s going on in the world, right? Even if it it is completely made up. You still have to know what people are talking about! Right?

An Encounter with Mr. Highminded

Mid-way through an exposé promising never-before-revealed details on celebrity X’s torrid love affair, I sensed someone behind me, leaning over my shoulder.

I looked up at a tall man in an impeccable suit and navy blue tie eyeing me sternly over his bifocals.

With an abrupt ‘ahem’ he gestured at the magazine clutched in my hands. “That rubbish is rotting your brain, you know,” he remarked, nostrils flared in dismay. “Stop wasting your mind on such trash.”